dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
