Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
