i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
