Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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