My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
