you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
