The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
wow bdsm is so cute
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
