Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
