I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
