i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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