i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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