I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
