I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
