He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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