I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
