my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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