Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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