We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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