You work out of a Hotel?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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