I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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