You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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