just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
