You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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