I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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