dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
