My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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