How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
