He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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