i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
