He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
