Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
