Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
