I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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