Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
