Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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