her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
