We won't sleep together?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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