the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize