flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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