On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
