whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
