but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
