Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
