we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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