I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
