but the lizard people decide everything anyway
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
