Can Purell be used as lube?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
