when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
