You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
