I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it hurts more in the daytime
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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