ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am available for nakedness
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