I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
