the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
