where am i from again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
