she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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