i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
