did you get engaged???
Sponge bath it is.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
