I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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