Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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