3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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