Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
