i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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