I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
