so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
