It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
