you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
