Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
