He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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