3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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