I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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