roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
